My hands had begun to tremble, my eyes lucent with tears; the memories of my past had stirred inside me and rudely interrupted my present status. This stew of my emotions was cooking on the top rack 2 inches to the right of my ribcage, at approximately 99 degrees; the recipe entailed my previous failures and successes. Like a chili pepper hitting your tongue, the heat of a particular memory that stuck in my head made me burst out into a slight sweat. Dew drops on my skin. All the intensity of my previous love passed through my body like ocean waves washing against the shore. I remembered that experience quite well, I could still smell the shampoo and feel the texture of their skin; satin sheets with a hint of the traditional soapy smell. What was I doing here? I was full of way too many emotions to be amongst something I considered partly shallow.

Snapping back into the harsh reality I had temporarily escaped, my friend nudges me with her elbow and murmured something I couldn't clearly make out. She repeated the question while I was regaining my focus into the situation we had found ourselves in, yet again. My mind does this often, takes me somewhere inside myself that's not wrapped in layers of protection from reality; to the truth, for me to know, painful or joyful, its an important aspect to everything. Finding my center within, I search for something socially floatable to keep my head above this ocean of superficiality. I hate it when I do this to myself, I wish I could JUST ENJOY and relax, but the scenarios people provide me with doesn't let my curious soul rest. Its not that I don't enjoy the scenes I step into, I find them rather stimulating actually. Each time I'm amongst these crowds, it feels like a top secret mission, and I am the secret agent. The thoughts race through my mind when I come across each bright face; who's really your allie, who's a spy, who's an assassin, its a very entertaining scenario. However, I can only handle so much of it at a time, like a rich food, some of the ingredients are just too heavy; spiritual indigestion. Like the air or aura around certain people, they are so into their storyline and the character they're playing, they're oblivious to their obvious instability; lashing out desperately for release from their own self-created prison. My compassion is unconditional, but lately I find myself drawing lines in the sand. Tonight, however holds an important lesson for me, I can feel it, there's something I have been smug about for too long, something I don't quite understand, so I've decided to find the answers to my questions and bruise the ego yet again. I love black and blue.

After a couple encounters and exchanges of loving words amongst friends, I temporarily desert my friend to partake in another beverage hoping to either heighten my senses or numb them. I lean against the bar with a string of strangers to my right and left, debating what liquor will bounce around my palette next. A familiar body hunches over the bar next to me, striking a pose that resembles a prayer...but to a bartender. He orders his drink and puts his arm around me as he asks how life has been treating me. Here's a man to admire, not only is he painfully aware of everything around him, but he knows how to shake the shadows of the day and just have fun. The temporary funk I'm in for the night catches his warm eyes and he pulls me into his light, fighting off my demons for me with harmless chit chat. Three shots later and finally my spirit lightens and my cynical mood finally hits the road. The warmth of the room consumes my immediate space now, t he love and laughter I couldn't see earlier has become blatantly clear in a fuzzy way. There is an overall beautiful interaction we have with each other when we let ourselves be open to each other, socially and spiritually. I'm enjoying myself and my surroundings thoroughly now that I've absorbed what's really going on, my own q&a.

To have a couple drinks and laughs with your friends is to open yourself up to healing from the harshness of reality the week has bestowed upon you. The gossip is actually primitive communication and testing grounds for people to see the reactions of others. Its vital to a person's true development and knowledge of their place in a social community as to where they stand within and with others. We all love the feeling of knowing we still have the ability to surprise ourselves. Creating twisted scenarios that evoke good or bad feelings with each other is all part of the entertainment factor we provide for each other; who really looks deeper into the truth of a situation is what constitutes our reality from what we actually hear. "Oh my god, she did not say that.......WHAT? He slept with who last night?.......So they're dating now?" Its all an amazing whirlwind of energy provided for a night or months to fuel a group of people's fires. When it comes dow n to it, those who do not physically create art, are in fact "artists of communication". The GOSSIP FOLK create this element of excitement and scandal in their own art form, it comes from their mouths and the characters they portray to people. Actors in a sense, that go a step further to actually create their art through mouth and ears and the interaction amongst a group of people in their daily life. Another familiar face grabs my body and pulls me tight into them as they ask in my ear with potent fruit-flavored vodka breath, "How's your night going baby?" I smile and nod my head as I take a sip from my glass. My thoughts ignite the endorphins in my body as my memory reminds me how I just learned how to appreciate a new breed of art and artists; how can I not have a good night?